He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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