good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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