I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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