I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
