We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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