is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
