i think my mom watched the whole time
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
