I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
