We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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