They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
