he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
