Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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