The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
