What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she peed on how many people?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
