i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
