You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
