i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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