i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
