So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
