So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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