The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
sex in a hospital.. check
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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