On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
