Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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