Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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