I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
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