the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
