Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
