This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just had sex on a roof
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
