The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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