we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
