checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
