the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
