my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
