don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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