i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
