I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize