i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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