Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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