so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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