So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
