she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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