He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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