GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
