I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
