i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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