His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
