Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
