I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize