I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
