I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
