Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
