i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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