fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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