Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
