just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
