Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
