OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
