I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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