I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
