I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
