i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
