A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just gargled with NyQuil
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
