Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
