I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
