I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
