i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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