I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
