Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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