Buhtt sex?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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