Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
