Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I enjoy the company of your penis
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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