btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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