He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
