In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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