Soap is not a condiment
they need to just BURY HIM!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
