I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i believe in u and ur pee
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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