you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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